Isla Baliszewska, Author at Smart Coaching and Training | Business Support, Consultancy, Mentoring

23/08/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Is the question ‘Would you like to write an article about asking great questions?’ a great question?

In theory it isn’t, because it’s a closed question – the answer is either ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. But it is also an emotive question. Why?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘Yes’ – then I am responding as the questioner would like. And I am also committing myself to accepting an obligation.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If I say ‘No’ – then I am not committing to anything. But I am disappointing the requester. And ultimately repeatedly responding ‘No’ might weaken our relationship.

A little about Open and Closed questions

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Closed questions require a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer and are designed to shut down a conversation and may not give the questioned a chance to respond. However, ‘Yes but…’ or ‘No but…’ gives the receiver a way out and an opportunity to qualify their response.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Open questions such as ‘Who…?’ ’What…?’, ‘When…?’ ‘How…?’ dig deeper. For example, ‘When…?’ can elicit facts. And a greater question can start with ‘Why…?’ which not only may elicit facts but also an opinion. An even greater question would be ‘How do/did you feel about…?’ And a truly great provocative question might start ‘How do you think I felt when you ….?’

What about Referendums?

Governments typically set referendums when they want support from the people to ratify a certain way forward.

In some governments if the ‘people’ give the ‘wrong’ answer then after some brainwashing they keep running the same referendum until they get the ‘right’ answer.

In the case of the UK Brexit referendum, the actual Brexit question was ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?’ and was designed by the Conservative Prime Minister to quell the support from some of the anti-European conservative MPs. And it was expected by the politicians to elicit a ‘Remain’ response.

This it failed to achieve.

(Interestingly, the original question was a ‘Yes/No’ closed question: ‘Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union?’ however the Electoral Commission decided that might be a bad idea saying, ‘Our assessment suggests that it is possible to ask a question which would not cause concerns about neutrality, whilst also being easily understood.’)

The ‘leave’ response was the marginal winner from those who bothered to vote, and is considered to be a protest vote by those feeling disenfranchised by the elite in Westminster. It was not an expression of actual opinion in response to the question. And so far, it has not been politically possible to re-run the referendum in spite of a lot of toing and froing…and… the crucial question is….

‘…what would the referendum question be?’

What is has achieved is to divide the UK population generationally, within families, between friends along ‘remainer’ and ‘leaver’ sides. It has prevented rational debate which is lost in claims over which side can tell the best lies where facts and accountability don’t matter anymore.

So Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Expect the ‘fact’ questions such as ‘Who/What/When/How’ will get emotive non-fact based responses. But still go ahead and ask them.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]If you ask ‘What do you think about..?’ questions you can expect people to possibly get angry in their responses. That’s fine but be prepared.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Leading questions like ‘Don’t you agree that….?’ can also be fine, unless the person doesn’t agree. By stating your opinion up front you are potentially asking for trouble – better to get their opinion first.

Remember what you want to achieve. If all you want is someone’s opinion, ask what you like. You can disagree privately or publicly prepare for battle. If you want to find facts, ask more probing questions. If you want to influence or persuade, couch your questions in collaborative language. Better still, ask us to help you with some Really Clever Coaching Questions.

David Rigby – davidr@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

01/08/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Do we need a Nudge?

Everyone has those moments when they really wish they had made a different decision…or actually just done something they perhaps should have.

Welcome Nudge Theory, which is about making it easier for people to make decisions which are in their best interest. Thank you Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein for the book ‘Nudge’, published in 2008. And well done Richard Thaler for winning the Nobel Prize for Economics in 2017.

Most of us think of a nudge as a little prompt needed to get something done. Which it is, and those nudges can be the difference between something happening and nothing happening. Coming from behavioural economics, Nudge Theory takes this further, considering important biases in human decision-making and positing ways to help people make decisions that would benefit them.

“By knowing how people think, we can make it easier for them to choose what is best for them, their families and society.” wrote Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein, authors of ‘Nudge: Improving Decisions about Health, Wealth and Happiness.

Simple example: on the assumption that most people want to be healthier but for many reasons (lack of willpower, lack of availability of healthy foods, sweets at the check-out), they stay unhealthy. The nudge here would be to fill the shops with only healthy products, improve food labelling to provide health information, replace the check out sweets with fruit and nuts. The objective – to encourage shoppers to make healthier choices.

Or, you want to go running every day but you can’t be bothered. Just put your trainers where your feet will hit the floor when you swing them out of bed. Your thought process is more likely to veer from procrastination to action.

Nudge Theory has become popular with politicians and policy makers as it touches on important biases in our decision-making processes. From a societal perspective, if you can encourage a whole bunch of people to engage in behaviours that improve society, that sounds like a good idea.

David Cameron’s Behavioural Insights team used the Nudge Theory concept when adding an invitation to join the organ donor register when people were renewing their car tax. This little nudge resulted in a massive increase in people joining the register. Barack Obama had Cass Sunstein as an adviser on his team with the goal of bringing the US Government “into the 21st century in a wide range of ways”. One of these was to try and increase the honesty of quarterly sales reports submitted by providers of goods and services to the Federal Government. By adding a brief prompt at the top of the online form, more accurate information was submitted leading to a reported $1.59 million increase in fees in one quarter, supposedly reflecting more honesty in sales figures. All good news for society as a whole.

But what about nudging to help us as individuals? Nudge Theory demonstrates that using quite simple prompts and techniques can bring a subtle change in our responses. It can push us into taking action rather than not doing anything. But, and here’s the interesting part, it won’t work if we think we are being told what to do. So those policy making examples needed to be suggestive and inviting rather than perjorative.

For our own personal nudges to work we need to feel ownership of them, and to find things that are easy to do. Here are our Nudging Tips:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Make it simple – so you don’t have to think before doing

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]When setting your nudge try thinking of the pain/negative that you will be moving away from

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Don’t expect it to last forever – renew your nudges by introducing different ones

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Use reminders – pop post-it notes in the places where you want the behaviour change to happen. Or send yourself a morning email reminder.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Give yourself a reward once you have ‘done’ the new nudged behaviour or task a set number of times.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Share the nudge – tap into the power of peer pressure to make the nudge work for you.

To explore how to set your own nudges and what changes you want these nudges to make in your life, how about your first simple step being to get in touch with us – you’d be surprised what you might be able to do!

Isla Baliszewska – islab@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

06/07/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Creating Your Own Village – making the right connections

Spanish Translation Here

Recent research has revealed there are two major contributors to a longer life. These are:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Close relationships – having a few people you can rely on.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Social Integration – how much we interact with people during the day.

There is a village in Sardinia with one of the highest records for longevity. With its close knit streets, and everyone being near everyone else, people cannot help but interact. Old people tend to live with their families, where there are children of all ages, some even in their 70’s. Social interaction and integration are elemental parts of life in this village.

Saying hello to your neighbour, to the person who serves you coffee, smiling to the supermarket checkout assistant, playing card games with friends or strangers can all make a difference, and you can do this anywhere. You don’t have to be in a Sardinian village. Or, of course, you can choose not to do these things… and potentially die younger.

Statistics indicate that women generally live longer than men. Part of this is attributed to the fact that women tend to bond more easily and will talk about difficult intimacies, more so than men. Men tend to avoid ‘sensitive’ subjects and instead will bond on more generalised topics like football, or in places of mutual activity, the gym or the office meeting. In the competitive world of business, men give most of their attention to their work and career progression, and often tend to lack the skills required to meet non business colleagues or to know what to talk to them about other than those ‘comfortable’ subjects – sports, politics, cars. Of course this is a stereotype, however it is still very prevalent in our modern day society of equality. Women are the ones who tend to share, talk, have close collaborative relationships, long lasting, trusted friends with whom they have those deep conversations about all sorts of ‘stuff’. It’s all about connecting.

And then there is that other disassociative thing that we all do now. For the younger generations (and some of us older ones too), the evidence is that social media is no substitute for face to face encounters, that precious social interaction which releases oxytocin and cortisone and gives us a better chance of achieving that longer life.

Something to think about

Too many of us focus on short term work goals, and very of us few choose to decide what kind of life we want to live and to develop the personal goals to match until it’s far too late. How many times have you heard someone say, when asked why they do the job they do, something like “Well it just happened/ seemed like a good idea/ suited my skills / people said I should or would be good at it”? How difficult it is for us to pin point when we made actual choices in our lives? When do we think about the way our relationships and interactions impact on our choices and what we do?

What can we do?

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Check who around you is really there for you, without their own personal agenda and connect deeply with those who are.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Be aware of how you are interacting – social media is all very well, as long as balanced with the healthier types of genuine face-to-face interaction.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Ditch the detractors – those who always seem to have a reason why you shouldn’t be who you are, do what you want, make your own choices.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Focus on your personal goals and your futures, not just on the immediate issues. This will help you prepare the skills and give you the confidence needed for developing the right networks and making the right connections.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Try some Developmental Coaching – an intentional process to increase awareness and perspective. By growing your awareness, focus, and perspective, you will become increasingly able to decide and meet your own goals and live the life you want to live. This amalgam of life coaching, mentoring, executive coaching might be the first small step to a brighter well-connected future with your own great village.

David Rigby – July 2018

David has worked and lived in 22 countries, and has built good long term relationships and social face to face interactions in many of them. Arrange a face to face or Skype Development Coaching session to help you find your way forward to creating your own village.

11/06/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

When is a team not a team?

A team is essentially a group of people working together. Forming one can have challenges and a Team Wheel can help you build a great team. But first, let’s explore more the concept of a team, and an effective team.

What does not make a collection of disparate individuals a team? Possibly when…

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They work in the same room

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They are married, or in the same family

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They work for the same boss or company

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]They live in or work in the same country or ethnic group.

What does make a team? It is when:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]The group members are striving for the same objective/goal/ purpose

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Every member is working for the glory or benefit of the group not for their own individual gain

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Outside the team they are perceived as a team, and the praise and brickbats go to the whole team, not just the individuals

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Within the team, egos are subsumed and everyone helps everyone else for the greater good.

What makes some teams perform better than others?

If you want fast but questionable results build your team with identical views and ways of thinking – they will learn nothing from each other except to confirm prejudices

To get far better outcomes, have a team as diverse and different as possible. Draw from all backgrounds, skills, talents, abilities, have a mix of people and competencies to encourage innovation and positivity and to get optimum results.

The best. truly effective teams:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Consist of individuals who think and communicate in different ways

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Allow freedom of interaction and sharing of ideas

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Are inclusive, trustful, open and collaborative

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Encourage individual and group growth

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Share a common purpose.

So how do you get the best thinking and communicating from your team?

Everyone is different: some people are more logical, others more emotional, some are more introvert, others more extravert. With these possible four combinations, and C-me Behavioural Preference Profiling Team Wheels, we use the language of colours to grow individual and group awareness and create more profitable interactions:

Red

Yellow

Blue

Green

All people have communication preferences in all four categories but one colour usually stands out. An individual C-me report will give you a chart which something looks like this:

The chart shows your preferences in two contexts, one where you usually operate on a day to day basis, and the other which would be your default under pressure or when you are not adapting to a context.

To make it easy to see how well your team is balanced we can develop a Team Wheel which shows how a team is balanced and can help identify weaknesses to be rectified during the next round of recruitment. Each person’s place on the wheel is charted highlighting where strengths are and where there may be potential skills gaps.

Great communication within a team is when:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Everyone can learn a lot more by actively listening to what an individual has to say rather than always thinking about how they are going to impress. Learning how to properly communicate in groups, whether to use written, spoken word, video, social media, email, knowing someone else’s preferences can grab or hold someone’s attention and lead to a productive communication experience.

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]All individuals have preferences in both the way they like to receive communication and the way they like to give it. If you want to communicate effectively – i.e. be understood – then one way of addressing this is to communicate with your colleague in the way they prefer to be communicated with. So for example. forget your preference for barking orders with no information, but instead recognise that others may prefer an ordered communication with lots of detail.

The C-me Team Wheel can give a good indication as to the pairs who will have the most difficulty communicating, allowing understanding of potential clashes and making it possible to explore ways to surmount these, using new found skills and different ways of interacting can give profoundly positive results

For more information about getting a Team Wheel to create your best team, email davidr@smartcoachingtraining.co.uk

14/05/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Punishment vs Positive Reinforcement: Can punishment help deliver a better way forward?

A few observations offered by David Rigby on the merits of different ways to get things right….

There appears to be a rise in the use of the word and deed of ‘punishment’ throughout the media and also in everyday life.

In the UK, the British Government together with France and the USA have ‘punished’ Syria for allegedly using chemical weapons. Ignoring history, when Saddam Hussein from Iraq, was waged war on for having chemical weapons for which no evidence was ever found, punishment is all around us. Children get punished for minor misdemeanours. A friend punished his dog by locking him up. Mobs punish anyone who isn’t like them. A well known President threatens punishment in every utterance and his fans love it while the rest of the world despairs. Fortunately he doesn’t deliver.

In the old days, when administering the cane, the school teacher might say “this is hurting me more that it’s hurting you”. Better that neither the teacher nor the student is hurt by not punishing at all. Instead, positive reinforcement – praising the good – is, or at least used to be, the way forward.

How does this affect each of us in our everyday lives?

All our behavioural profiles from C-me Behavioural Colour Profiling contain a section on “blind spots”. These are facets about ourselves that we perhaps know, but always chose to ignore, rather than acknowledge or fix. With politicians no amount of facts will sway the opinion they want to peddle. But with ourselves – do we really want to believe our own hype? Or do we want to improve ourselves? Punishing ourselves for eating the extra piece of cake with a two hour spinning class? What does that achieve? Eat more cake!

Positive reinforcement is a technique where we, or a coach, will identify things we have done well or achieved. And will express praise in positive language. A bad coach may use negative language to try to say the same things – “Do not give up now” etc, putting the idea of ‘giving up’ into the coachee’s head, when the goal should be to keep the positive uppermost. Recently in a young offenders institution in London ‘tough love’ was replaced by the reward of chocolate and cakes leading to a fall of 80% in assaults on staff in a year. The all round improvement in morale meant the inmates became more social with each other and much less destructive.

So here are some great options:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] Face up to your blind spots

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] Praise yourself for fixing them rather than punish yourself for having them

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] And perhaps influence others to do the same.

David Rigby

Questions to Ask in a time of Uncertainty

Do we need a Nudge?

Creating Your Own Village – making the right connections

When is a team not a team?

Punishment vs Positive Reinforcement: Can punishment help deliver a better way forward?

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