Training & Coaching News from Smart Coaching Training

03/10/2020 By Eric Moore

The Age of Anxiety

“West Side Story” composer Leonard Bernstein’s Symphony No. 2 The Age of Anxiety was composed from 1948 to 1949 in the US and Israel. It is titled after W. H. Auden’s poem of the same name. Was 1949 the Age of Anxiety or is it now? Most of us have some form of anxiety in our lives and with the continued events of 2020 it is becoming more prevalent.

Our trainer Eric Moore. Ask about individual and group wellness at work coaching

Coping Mechanisms

To combat anxiety people will employ different coping mechanisms to help deal with their anxiety. These may include, exercise, going for a walk, listening to music, or some other form of distraction, though when it strikes these often fail, because the problem is neurological, so therefore to successfully cure anxiety the changes need to take place at the neurological level. Another mechanism many use is to try and avoid the situations that cause them to feel anxious or panic. This though prevents, change and growth. Another thing I often come across is hearing clients say “It happens to me – I don’t make it happen”. This mindset can unfortunately prevent the person from taking ownership of the problem.

Causes of Anxiety

Anxiety is caused by an over arousal of the autonomic nervous system, so someone will often get anxious before they even know it, and by the time this happens it’s too late. So they say “it’s not my fault since it happens automatically”. However they created it due to reacting to an external stimulus such as crowded spaces, social gatherings, giving a presentation. This can then generalise, so even the thought of it becomes enough to create the anxious state.

Fight or Flight

This triggers the fight or flight response in part of the brain called the amygdala and can cause a myriad of issues both psychologically and physiologically. Dry mouth, sweaty palms, palpitations, racing heartbeat and thoughts, tightness or pain in the chest to name a few.

Internal Dialogue

Taking responsibility and owning it is one of the steps to overcoming this debilitating issue towards recovery. Anxiety and panic is often a function of the internal dialogue and the images one creates in the mind. Intervening by changing the images and speed of what is said internally are key to becoming anxiety free. Now, depending on the type of anxiety there will be more activity in one hemisphere of the brain and another tool for change is to engage both hemispheres whilst thinking of the anxious state. If you are curious about to take back control and become anxiety free then join our workshop here on send us a message here.

Written by Eric Moore , Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

23/04/2020 By David Rigby & Martin Kubler

I’ve never been to me

Becoming confident enough to be yourself

‘I’ve never been to me’ is a song by Charlene which went to No 1 in the UK charts in 1982. For many it is the worst Motown Number One ever, but is pertinent to the situation (COVID-19) we find ourselves in now.

The cheesy lyrics include the lines ‘I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece… but I’ve never been to me’. It is about having to always be someone else and never being allowed to even find out who you are, let alone actually be that person.

Forward to late 2019, and many in the music industry, as in many other industries, are forced to subsume themselves into industry norms and accordingly standardise their personalities. Paradoxically the most successful have not done this. Good recent British examples have been Amy Winehouse and Adele who refused to follow the norms. An outstanding American example, even subject to a BBC Radio4 Profile, is the singer Lizzo – larger than life in every category, a phenomenal singer and performer who has no need of pitch correction in her performances.

Come 2020 and COVID-19, the requirement of the performers to be who they are and deliver has never been on show quite so much as the ‘One world’ show where performers such as Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Andrea Bocelli, and many others sang together, each performing from their own home. No lavish productions or autocorrect to prop them up. And, of course, it is significant who is not performing and the conclusions we can all come to about their skills.

How does this affect us?

Many of us are now in lock down and the only places you can go are shops to buy food or pharmacies to pick up meds – the rest of the time, you are at home, either by yourself or with some version of immediate family.

It is the perfect time to discover who you really are – a great opportunity for self-examination, and if you don’t like the ’me’ you actually are, you can set about changing it.

Many are using this period as a great opportunity to organise themselves, deal with all the filing and position themselves for the future. And then see others, via Zoom, who are in a bad way, and cannot cope with the uncertainty.

Sphere of influence

The ‘sphere of influence’ model is useful here. Issues divide into three :

Inner circle: those issues you can deal with by yourself;
Outer circle: those issues you can deal with by collaborating with others;
Outside both circles: those issues which you absolutely have no influence over.

Many of the issues thrust upon us by COVID-19 are things we have no influence over, so the first step is STOP worrying about things you can do nothing about.

Divide the things you CAN do something about into three categories:

Things which are essential to your well-being which you can do on your own. (If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t be able to look after others);
Things which are essential to your well-being, which you need to ask or influence others to attain;
Things which are essential to others’ well-being which you can deliver to them (whether or not they have asked).

These can include:

Ensuring you eat enough healthy food to stay fit but not fat, with, if you want, exercise;
Keeping your distance when out and wearing a face mask to assuage the concerns of others;
Really learn to appreciate yourself and potentially change the characteristics you don’t like;
Keep in remote contact with others and support them when they need in the best way you can;
Decide what you will do when this is all over and prepare yourself for it.

And finally: examine the way you communicate with other people:

Do you understand them well enough to understand how they prefer contact?
Do they understand you well enough to understand how you prefer contact?.

Always assuming you understand yourself well enough to know your own preferences.

This downtime is the lifetime opportunity to discover who you really are and what you really need. The chance to ‘be to me’.

For further discussion and remote coaching, contact us here, or, for Europe info@smartcoachingtraining.com +44 3335660067 and for Middle East hello@spsaffinity.com +97156 652 5970. Take a C-me colour profile to better understand your communication preferences..

Written by David Rigby and Martin Kubler

12/04/2020 By David Rigby

Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

In these days of COVID-19 you not only have to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’ but you have to appear good on Zoom. Not only do you have to sound good you have to look good too, And not just you – you are most likely to be working and broadcasting from home – so the view of your home must also give the right impression. I notice every one judging what you look like when you have not been able to go to the beauty salon, nail stylist, or hairdresser for weeks and having to do your own cleaning due to lockdown. Tolerance of shady presentation skills won’t be accepted for long either – so brush up those skills too!.

While you are practicing your body posture and setting up the appropriate lighting and soundscape for your broadcast, whether a serious business meeting or a chat with a distant neighbour take a look at the article below I wrote for Al Arabiya News about deportment training for some stars in the 1960’s. And note how much still applies today. Below is one of many of these articles as published in 2015.

Deportment: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’

It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

They may have the designer frocks, but few of them know how to walk elegantly or indeed talk elegantly. There is an old British expression “You can take a girl out of Essex, but you can never take Essex out of the girl.”

This is because they don’t know about Deportment.

Way back in the early 1960s there was a developing record business called Motown. Based out of a house called “Hitsville USA” in Detroit. In those early days one of several vocal groups was called The Supremes. They were often known as the ‘no-hits’ Supremes as at the time every record had flopped.

But like everyone else in the Motown roster, they went to American etiquette instructor and talent agent Miss Maxine Powell to learn about deportment.

And this is what The Supremes learnt
• Perform in front of the mirror – see how you look
• Sing with a smile – not like you are in pain
• Learn how to sit on a barstool elegantly, walk stairs, get out of cars
• Always introduce yourself first, then the visitor introduce themselves
• Never see anyone for 20 minutes after a show
• Continue to grow until there is no breath in your body

In England you were taught how to handle a dazzling array of cutlery in case you went to an exclusive dinner. But the main message in all of this that you will know what to do when you meet the Queen of England.

And this is the message.

That group of three lean individuals from low grade subsidised government housing in The Brewster Projects went on to become worldwide stars. 12 number one hits in USA in three years. That was just the start.

And in 1965 they performed at Britain’s prestigious Royal Variety performance and indeed met the Queen of England.

And they knew how to conduct themselves! Years of lessons about deportment both on and off stage meant they knew exactly what to do. As did many other stars in the Motown roster which included Martha & The Vandellas, Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder – all megastars in their own right. I first saw Stevie Wonder perform when he was 14.

For those who don’t remember The Supremes you may know their lead singer, Diana Ross. In a recording career spanning almost 50 years she sold over 140 million records and is still performing to great reviews today while in her seventies.

But what distinguished them from the rest? In many cases they were the first black girl groups to break into the largely white supper clubs and TV shows. Sure, they can sing, but they could also put on a good show, deal with the audience and not be scared of anyone.

Why could they do this? Because they had deportment.

In the old days in Britain, the rich girls ‘came out’ (different meaning today!) after going to finishing school. They learnt how to walk in heels with a set of books balanced on their heads. These days you can record yourself, take selfies, and video yourself moving around. So observe and improve – sometimes you can’t see it yourself but a coach can help you.

Just putting someone in a posh frock and high heels doesn’t work. To again quote Margaret Thatcher: “If you have to tell people you are a lady – then you aren’t”.And all this applies in a slightly different way to the guys too!

Both need to both ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk!’

Learn all the skills before it really matters – and when time comes you can walk into the audition or job interview an unknown and come out a star!

David Rigby is a founding director of Smart Coaching & Training. He is based in Europe as an international keynote speaker, trainer, consultant, and executive coach. He developed a training practice focusing on Behavioural Preference Profiling and Signature Corporate Training suite.

18/03/2021 By David Rigby & Martin Kubler

How COVID brought us closer together

Hello? Can you hear me? I’m sorry if I’m sounding a bit far away, but I’m currently hanging out with a group of hospitality professionals in Yorkshire while I’m in Dubai. Or was it Stockholm? Or possibly Accra?

There’s little doubt that COVID has wreaked havoc on our industry worldwide. Furloughs in the UK, lockdowns everywhere, limited (if any!) in-outlet dining, cancelled cruises – you name it. I’m not known for laughing challenging trading conditions in the face and shouting “Hey, but look at the bright side!”, but I readily admit that the pandemic has also brought certain positive changes to our industry – the most important one, in my opinion, being that we’ve come closer together.

It didn’t matter where you were

I’ve spend the last 16 years as an expat in various locations that didn’t have an Institute of Hospitality branch and I got used to looking at pictures of meetings, networking events, and celebrations that the Institute and their branches have put on over the years with varying degrees of envy. Then the pandemic hit, everything moved online and suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore where I was based – I could be anywhere.

The Institute of Hospitality’s virtual Thursday Coffee and Conversation mornings provided a first taste of our newfound freedom. Members joined from all over the world and exchanged updates or just engaged in light-hearted conversation to find a few minutes of distraction from the latest lockdown news.

People started to cooperate and collaborate… new platforms such as www.backtowork.support were born based on our conversations. New ways of presenting and distributing industry news and expertise like the fantastic Hospitality Recovery on LinkedIn Live were tested. If you fancied it and had the time (and, let’s face it, time was something most of us had in abundance during the various lockdowns), you could attend virtual branch meetings and networking events from the comfort of your armchair. One branch even put on a pub-style quiz.

Bringing people closer together

The pandemic has brought us closer together and that’s a good thing. The key, going forward, is to keep the momentum and not let things revert to silos again. The Institute and its members have an important role to play in the process, because we’ve been here, done that, and got the tea cup – in other words, we’ve successfully demonstrated how large international organisations can use technology to bring people closer together, ensure information and expertise flows freely, and collaborations between individual professionals create new opportunities, ventures, and projects

Remember Face to Face?

Don’t get me wrong, now that I’m based in Europe again, I do want to attend one of the Institute’s annual Fellows’ Dinners. It’ll be my first one and I’m sure will be very enjoyable. The goal isn’t to move everything online – there’s much to be said for face-to-face interactions and good old black-tie jollifications. The goal really should be to use technology in the way, I think, it is meant to be used… to bring people together and to make things more inclusive and, very often, faster.

*Cats are for baskets not Zoom calls ©* *David Rigby*

The latter is, in my opinion, a key point. Teams can now meet at the click of a button, regardless of where the various team-members are. You don’t need to take minutes anymore, because you can record things – great for people who aren’t totally fluent in English. Right now, I’m involved in a project that brings together professionals from Russia, the Middle East, and Europe. We communicate in English, but some of us find it very beneficial to be able to watch the recordings of our meetings again, just to make sure they understood everything correctly. You can’t rewind a face-to-face meeting, but you can rewind a Zoom meeting.

I hope some of what we’ve learned during the pandemic stays with us even in post-COVID times. The coffee mornings, for example, shouldn’t stop just because we’re all able to meet again IRL, in real life. How else could I find out how Robert’s hotel in Ghana is doing or what’s going on in the Scottish highlands and islands? Quite apart from being able to see the various members’ coffee and tea cups (someone used a massive Homer Simpson cup in today’s call!) and pets (last week I was in a Zoom meeting and a team-member’s cat blocked the screen for a good 5 minutes).
Walking into a face-to-face meeting later in 2021 or 2022 is bound to be like “Oh, I know, you’re the chap with the Homer Simpson cup!” or “What do you mean, you didn’t bring your cat?”.

A version of this article was first published by the Institute of Hospitality

05/03/2021 By David Rigby

Acknowledging your Mortality

Making it easier for others

I don’t know about you but I have become increasingly aware of my mortality particularly in recent months. Having survived the first lockdowns I am being much more affected by this round. In the first round I knew people who knew people who had had COVID or died of it. This time I actually know and work with people who have had it and also who have died of it. They were in full health one week, and dead two weeks later. So, I got round to thinking what would happen if it happened to me.

If you get ill and When you die

I thought I ought to put a note on my fridge about who to contact in case in emergency. Then I didn’t know who to put. So I thought I better get my act together – and find a representative to represent me, look after me and undertake my wishes.

If you are ill (this can include: suddenly hospitalised, chronically ill, no longer able to make decisions due to dementia etc) you will need to appoint someone to be your chosen representative with power of attorney for when you are incapacitated. They need the authority to access to your computer, bank, house. hospital, enact your living will and inform people. And make sure people know who it is. In each country the rules are different.

*Lifesize Monopoly – Mall of the Emirates, Dubai by David Rigby*

When you die (this can result from terminal illness, dropping dead or sudden death from, for example, a car accident) you will need an executor. The power of attorney ceases when you die. You will need the executor to bury you, enact your will, close your bank accounts, pass on your business, delete you social media. Your executor therefore needs to be told about your death, and others need to know who your executor is.

Choosing the right person

You need someone to have power of attorney, and you need someone to be executor. You will also need a way of having substitutes in case they are not able to act on your behalf. I already have one executor die – and he was 20 years younger than me. You will need their agreement and permission. People need to know who it is.

Hidden Snags

If, like me, you are not living in the country you were born, have no relatives, the country’s language is not yours and the law is in that language, and you haven’t been there that long, then you need to get everything in place as the defaults are unpalatable. You will need a ‘Last will and testament’. If you have assets in more than one country or reside in more than one country you will need more than one Will.

And finally – if you are a person with the power of attorney or executor make sure your papers are in order. I had power of attorney/executor for my father and I could not prove who I was at his bank as my passport had expired.

*Altea Cementerio – Photo by David Rigby*

Generally, when you die it is clear. When you are ill it is not so clear. Someone has to have the authority to decide. People think they are immortal, and would rather not think about it. And then suddenly…

Note: I am not an expert in this. But having set this up I reserve the right to be self righteous. Ask and I will give you more detail, however you should get professional advice.

29/01/2021 By David Rigby

Zooming with Intercultural Globality

Remembering Dr David Clive Price

Most of us ‘ain’t going nowhere’ at present because of COVID. So, you can sit at home doing nothing, or you can consider the world as being your oyster. With tools such as Zoom you can attend virtual meetings in virtually any country and subsequently in another immediately after. And each meeting can have attendees from multiple countries. So, you have the opportunity to really cock it up several times a day. Do you know enough about the culture, the attitude to hierarchies, how decisions are made, approaches to LGBTQ+, women and ageism.

Do you even know where the countries are that delegates are coming from?

Can you
• Understand the underlying languages of the delegates
• Speak loud enough so that everyone can understand
• Simplify your language, being careful not to use expressions
• Know when to read out loud documents for readers where not first language
• Appreciate that some can read better than they can speak and for others – the reverse
• Understand the decision-making process
• Show the skills of enabling people to come round to your opinion without them losing face
• Know enough about other languages to at least do small talk

*Zoom session with composer Valerie Simpson with some of the 150 participants*

Developing the personal skills to be able to succeed in many different countries at the same time or in rapid succession is not a case of learning the languages and the cultural mores. It is a case of changing the way YOU behave and your actions so that, wherever you are, you are both accepted by the people and are successfully able to navigate your way to success. Rather than expecting everyone to be like you it is an opportunity to cash in on the differences if only you know how.

Diversity and Inclusion

Diversity and Inclusion covers the pitfalls and benefits of working with a team where the members are not exactly like you, whether local or global. To finally grasp why the benefits are worth it despite the aggravation, and how to develop the skills to succeed. Intercultural Globality is about developing your sixth sense using Emotional Intelligence, NLP, sensitivity and awareness. Developing the confidence to glide through the conflicting cultural messages.

Hidden Demons

I am writing this in tribute to our associate Dr David Clive Price who died in December from COVID after a short illness. His knowledge of working with different cultures was second to none – as he had lived a life and practiced before he preached. I took some of his courses.

We were about to jointly deliver a webinar based on his latest book, about which SCT wrote “Hidden Demons is a wonderful read based on his life story together with training about how to recognise the depths he fell into and in particular how he can help you get out of them. Compelling personal story, great coaching, compulsive read.”

Read Hidden Demons: How to Overcome Anxiety, Addiction and Fear of Failure – it’s a great way to appreciate the necessity and benefits of Intercultural Globality. Read more about Intercultural Globality …

Squaring Mindful Meditation with Internalised Capitalism

According to New York Therapist, Lee McKay Doe, Internalised Capitalism looks like ……

Internalised Capitalism

Feeling guilty for resting
Your self-worth is largely based on doing well in your career
Placing productivity before health
Believing hard work = happiness
Feeling lazy, even when you’re experiencing pain, trauma or adversity
Using busyness as a way of avoiding your needs .

Painting by *Andrés* Sergio *Echeveste* *taken in Altea by David Rigby*

Many of us will recognise many of these thoughts in ourselves. And this is why we might find meditation so difficult.

Finding meditation so difficult

When we meditate, we lower our stress levels, we get to know our pain, we connect better, we improve our focus, and we’re kinder to ourselves. All of these things can improve our health, and as a consequence help us become better at our internalised capitalism.
Being super focussed on the here and now, rather than planning what to do next, or reviewing the past, is the basis of mindfulness and also can be a good focus when meditating. But that also requires letting go of the here and now too. Learning to be who you are, and liking it is sufficient.
If I am chugging along nicely I don’t find the tine to meditate. If I am super stressed I find it really beneficial, If I am not too busy then it’s a useful way of connecting with myself and with others.

So how to avoid the guilt trip?

• See meditation as part of work. – and so it’s not ‘resting’
• Recognise meditation can help you focus – so you can be better at your career and self worth
• Meditation can improve your heath – and with better health more productivity
• Meditating is not being lazy – it’s not easy to do
• It’s a way of being busy, but also it can be a way of recognising and meeting your needs.

Meditating Mindfully

Meditating Mindfully is difficult on your own – better to join a group and meditate on Zoom or whatever. Your colleagues can give you insights and encouragements as well as the discipline. You can also watch how the others meditate – though it is often more interesting to watch paint dry (especially these paintings).

27/10/2020 By David Rigby

Staying authentic while code switching

Code-switching is when someone changes their language based on who they are with, typically to fit in better with that group. There are many reasons why people code-switch. People switch their pronunciations of words and their dialects around to better fit in with a certain group.

They also change their behaviour.

In linguistics, code-switching or language alternation occurs when a speaker alternates between two or more languages, or language varieties, in the context of a single conversation. But its much more than that.

Multilinguals, speakers of more than one language, sometimes use elements of multiple languages when conversing with each other.

*Ghiyathi, UAE – code switching or diplomacy? by David Rigby*

In dress and food – choosing to dress in the mode of the people you are with, learning to eat the same food in the same way the others do is another type of code switching .

Why do people do this ?

Often to do with work. In the UK people switch to the codes of the straight white southern public-school-educated male in order to get the best jobs.. And all places have their equivalents.

But what do they switch from?

Being Northern – whilst having a Northern Accent is not the slur it was, it can still be prejudicial in building the connections. Dropping the northern sense of humour in order to be understood, removing terms of endearment and being over-friendly.
Being Female – it is possible to get on as female, but many have to adopt ‘boy’s behaviours’ to climb the ladder.
Being of Foreign Origin while raised in Britain. – In many ways having to have two different cultures – the ones you use at home and the ones you use at work. Those that don’t follow the subtleties and indirectness of the polite British society can ‘scare the natives’ with their directness or loudness.
Being Foreign – being aware that the accepted behaviours at home may not be acceptable in your new location. Observing and copying the new ‘norms’.
Being LGBTQ – being ‘straight acting’ or so you think.

There are dangers

So, at least historically, wearing the traditional uniform of white man’s business – Grey or Blue suit, white shirt and tie, no beard is a way of ‘belonging’. But it can be cultural appropriation – white people wearing dreadlocks or Arabic dress is asking for trouble.
The more you code switch the more you become the person you are switching into. And then you go ‘back home’ and everyone thinks you are now too posh to talk to. So you switch back. Which is the real you? It is so stressful and exhausting.

*Being Intercultural while Leadership Training in Ghana by David Rigby*

Intercultural Globality is a method by which you can learn to be all things to all people. And still be true to yourself. Understanding your communication preferences is a good start. Just ask .