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12/04/2020 By David Rigby

Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

Deportment 2020: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘Zoom the Zoom’

In these days of COVID-19 you not only have to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’ but you have to appear good on Zoom. Not only do you have to sound good you have to look good too, And not just you – you are most likely to be working and broadcasting from home – so the view of your home must also give the right impression. I notice every one judging what you look like when you have not been able to go to the beauty salon, nail stylist, or hairdresser for weeks and having to do your own cleaning due to lockdown. Tolerance of shady presentation skills won’t be accepted for long either – so brush up those skills too!.

While you are practicing your body posture and setting up the appropriate lighting and soundscape for your broadcast, whether a serious business meeting or a chat with a distant neighbour take a look at the article below I wrote for Al Arabiya News about deportment training for some stars in the 1960’s. And note how much still applies today. Below is one of many of these articles as published in 2015.

walking the walk

Deportment: Know how to ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk’

It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

It’s now the winter holiday season, and just like in the UK and USA, here in the UAE you see the girls dressed in impossible heels and wearing designers while staggering to various social venues. One difference here is that, in general, they are not freezing to death on the way to their chosen location.

They may have the designer frocks, but few of them know how to walk elegantly or indeed talk elegantly. There is an old British expression “You can take a girl out of Essex, but you can never take Essex out of the girl.”

This is because they don’t know about Deportment.

Way back in the early 1960s there was a developing record business called Motown. Based out of a house called “Hitsville USA” in Detroit. In those early days one of several vocal groups was called The Supremes. They were often known as the ‘no-hits’ Supremes as at the time every record had flopped.

But like everyone else in the Motown roster, they went to American etiquette instructor and talent agent Miss Maxine Powell to learn about deportment.

And this is what The Supremes learnt 
• Perform in front of the mirror – see how you look
• Sing with a smile – not like you are in pain
• Learn how to sit on a barstool elegantly, walk stairs, get out of cars 
• Always introduce yourself first, then the visitor introduce themselves
• Never see anyone for 20 minutes after a show
• Continue to grow until there is no breath in your body

In England you were taught how to handle a dazzling array of cutlery in case you went to an exclusive dinner. But the main message in all of this that you will know what to do when you meet the Queen of England.

And this is the message.

That group of three lean individuals from low grade subsidised government housing in The Brewster Projects went on to become worldwide stars. 12 number one hits in USA in three years. That was just the start.

And in 1965 they performed at Britain’s prestigious Royal Variety performance and indeed met the Queen of England.

And they knew how to conduct themselves! Years of lessons about deportment both on and off stage meant they knew exactly what to do. As did many other stars in the Motown roster which included Martha & The Vandellas, Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder – all megastars in their own right. I first saw Stevie Wonder perform when he was 14.

For those who don’t remember The Supremes you may know their lead singer, Diana Ross. In a recording career spanning almost 50 years she sold over 140 million records and is still performing to great reviews today while in her seventies.

But what distinguished them from the rest? In many cases they were the first black girl groups to break into the largely white supper clubs and TV shows. Sure, they can sing, but they could also put on a good show, deal with the audience and not be scared of anyone.

Why could they do this? Because they had deportment.

In the old days in Britain, the rich girls ‘came out’ (different meaning today!) after going to finishing school. They learnt how to walk in heels with a set of books balanced on their heads. These days you can record yourself, take selfies, and video yourself moving around. So observe and improve – sometimes you can’t see it yourself but a coach can help you.

Just putting someone in a posh frock and high heels doesn’t work. To again quote Margaret Thatcher: “If you have to tell people you are a lady – then you aren’t”.And all this applies in a slightly different way to the guys too!

Both need to both ‘talk the talk’ and ‘walk the walk!’

Learn all the skills before it really matters – and when time comes you can walk into the audition or job interview an unknown and come out a star!

David Rigby is a founding director of Smart Coaching & Training. He is based in Europe as an international keynote speaker, trainer, consultant, and executive coach. He developed a training practice focusing on Behavioural Preference Profiling and Signature Corporate Training suite.

Filed Under: Being Confident, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Growing your Business, Mindset, Motivation, Personal Development, Presenting and Presentations, You and Your Career

14/05/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

Punishment vs Positive Reinforcement: Can punishment help deliver a better way forward?

Punishment vs Positive Reinforcement: Can punishment help deliver a better way forward?

 

A few observations offered by David Rigby on the merits of different ways to get things right….

There appears to be a rise in the use of the word and deed of ‘punishment’ throughout the media and also in everyday life.

 

Not my Hat! - Alan Levine CC

 

In the UK, the British Government together with France and the USA have ‘punished’ Syria for allegedly using chemical weapons. Ignoring history, when Saddam Hussein from Iraq, was waged war on for having chemical weapons for which no evidence was ever found, punishment is all around us.  Children get punished for minor misdemeanours. A friend punished his dog by locking him up. Mobs punish anyone who isn’t like them.  A well known President threatens punishment in every utterance and his fans love it while the rest of the world despairs. Fortunately he doesn’t deliver.

 

In the old days, when administering the cane, the school teacher might say “this is hurting me more that it’s hurting you”.  Better that neither the teacher nor the student is hurt by not punishing at all. Instead, positive reinforcement – praising the good – is, or at least used to be, the way forward.

 

How does this affect each of us in our everyday lives?

 

All our behavioural profiles from C-me Behavioural Colour Profiling contain a section on “blind spots”. These are facets about ourselves that we perhaps know, but always chose to ignore, rather than acknowledge or fix. With politicians no amount of facts will sway the opinion they want to peddle.  But with ourselves – do we really want to believe our own hype? Or do we want to improve ourselves?  Punishing ourselves for eating the extra piece of cake with a two hour spinning class? What does that achieve? Eat more cake!

 

Positive Reinforcement Positive reinforcement is a technique where we, or a coach, will identify things we have done well or achieved.  And will express praise in positive language.  A bad coach may use negative language to try to say the same things – “Do not give up now” etc, putting the idea of ‘giving up’ into the coachee’s head, when the goal should be to keep the positive uppermost.  Recently in a young offenders institution in London ‘tough love’ was replaced by the reward of chocolate and cakes leading to a fall of 80% in assaults on staff in a year.  The all round improvement in morale meant the inmates became more social with each other and much less destructive.

 

So here are some great options:

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] Face up to your blind spots

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] Praise yourself for fixing them rather than punish yourself for having them

[i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””] And perhaps influence others to do the same.

David Rigby

Filed Under: C-me Colour Profiling, coaching, Motivation

05/02/2018 By Isla Baliszewska

5 Hot Tips for Overcoming Obstacles & your Inner Critic

5 Hot Tips for Overcoming Obstacles & your Inner Critic

It’s all about mindset

Inner critic

blue bullet very small What you say when you talk to yourself [Shad Helmsetter’s best-selling book]

blue bullet very small

Why you give the imposter syndrome permission control your life

blue bullet very small Whether you are prepared to act ‘as it’ – even ‘fake it till you make it’

blue bullet very small

How much you indulge your gremlins, those inner critics.

 

Susan Jeffers wrote a whole book on ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.

It is essentially about the choices we make. What if you choose to replace fear with another, stronger emotional driver; that of core confidence? Choosing to be controlled by your inner critic is very exhausting and destructive, as is the Imposter Syndrome. Experiment using Appreciative Inquiry’s approach, which is so simple and might need practice: appreciate what is working well and what could work even better – which circumvents anything negative.

Consider carefully when you say yes to your inner critic what it is that you are saying no to. And consider when you say no to your inner critic what is is that you are saying yes to. Ask yourself what is the pay off?

“I’d wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot and think, I can’t do this; I’m a fraud.” – Kate Winslet, Academy Award-winning actress

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” – Maya Angelou, Pulitzer Prize-nominated poet and author

“I am always looking over my shoulder, wondering if I measure up.” – Sonia Sotomayor, first Hispanic U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Getting over obstacles

 

What if, whenever an obstacle appears or arrives in your life, instead of getting despondent, being stopped, letting it get bigger and bigger, feeling it’s not fair or giving up you made different choices?

What if Google Translate interpreted ‘obstacle’ as a challenge to be solved? How might that approach influence your mindset? What inspired solutions might emerge?

 

5 Hot Tips (with thanks to Abraham)

1. Tell a better-feeling story about the things that are important to you.

2. Don’t write your story like a factual documentary, weighing all the pros and cons of your experience

3. Instead tell the uplifting, fanciful, magical story of the wonder of your own life

4. Watch what happens as you make different choices

It’ll feel like magic as your life begins to transform right before your eyes!

“Whatever you think you can you can and whatever you think you can’t you make that happen.” Henry Ford shone this spotlight on the power of your thinking to create your reality.

What will you choose?

 

Halina Jaroszewska Jan 2018

 

 

 

Filed Under: Decisions, Mindset, Motivation

28/04/2017 By Isla Baliszewska

Women at the Top

Women at the Top

Woman of Action

Wow!  So much in the media about women’s place at work!

Greg Hurst in the Times pointed out that female leaders are better than their male counterparts.

……The Wall Street Journal last year reported on how men won more promotions and women felt that gender issues contributed to them not getting promotions.  

……Last year the Fawcett Society called for more action to tackle the gender pay gap.  

……The Guardian reported that despite the increase in the number of women in UK boardrooms, they still tend to hold non-executive and non-CEO or Chair positions.

……According to a report from Coutts and the Centre for Entrepreneurs 38%of serial entrepreneurs under 35 are women.

……And Royal Bank of Scotland’s research showed that in 2015  businesses led by women contributed £3.51bn to the UK economy and created 77,000 jobs in 2015.

Wow indeed.  And so the big questions:

      1.  Are women getting the same opportunities in the workplace and in setting up businesses?

      2.  Are women being treated equally in the business world to men?

      3. What do we need to do to make sure this happens?

Sorry, we don’t have the answers all neatly packaged here for you now.  But we are going to explore this issue in the coming months so we encourage you to visit our news page and have a look at our newsletter to get some answers and create some actions in the right direction.

Starting off, please read the first part of Women at the Top Leadership Research; fascinating insights on Women at the Top’s reflections on leadership by Halina Jaroszewska.

Halina’s research is an ongoing project and a valuable contribution to this dynamic subject; if you feel you have something to contribute or you know of a woman who does, please get in touch with Halina.

Filed Under: Career Development, leadership, Motivation

12/04/2017 By Isla Baliszewska

Seeing inside your business self with C-me Colour Profiling

Seeing inside your business self with C-me Colour Profiling

C-me Colour Profiling

Have you ever asked yourself “how can I build on my strengths? How can I make better decisions with greater confidence?” Or wish you had a deeper insight into your behaviours? Try C-me Colour Profiling!

Anita Jaynes of The Business Exchange, had first hand experience of how C-me Colour Profiling can give insights to behaviours and what might be changed to enhance performance and create better relationships.

Effective, efficient and easy to apply – quick to do and quick to get your personal report.  What better way to discover your strengths and become more self-aware?  And for businesses it is a boon!  To be successful, business leaders need to be effective.  They need to know what they do best, what they should get others to do, and how best to communicate objectives in a way that engages everyone in the organisation.

As a successful business leader herself, Anita was eager to explore how C-me could benefit her business, through doing her own profile and then taking it deeper in a Debrief session with Halina Jaroszewska, one of our C-me experts.

Read more about Anita’s C-me experience.

Filed Under: leadership, Mindset, Motivation, Uncategorized

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