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The Mindful Flâneur

The Mindful Flâneur

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

In Old Town

    London

    St Pancras Station

      Vienna

      Where Beethoven lived

        This year, because of COVID, many of you will be forced to take your holidays closer to home. Here is an opportunity to know your home country. Instead of sitting on a beach, queueing for museums and socially distancing in the same shop in a different location why not be a traveller and really get to know somewhere. And excellent way to absorb a city is to be a Mindful Flâneur.

        The term flâneur comes from the French masculine noun flâneur—which has the basic meanings of “stroller”, “lounger”, “saunterer”, “loafer”—which itself comes from the French verb flâner, which means “to stroll”. To me a Flâneur is a person who wanders without a destiny within, especially, a city to observe the buildings, people and the general environment.

        Mindfulness or being mindful is being ‘in the moment’, totally focussed, observing everything and not being judgemental.  So a mindful flâneur really can get the most of ‘just wandering about’ provided they are organised ‘just enough’.

        An  invitation to

        change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

        Alicante

        Old Town

          Manchester

          University In the winter

            Vienna

            Covid Rabbit

              While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
              • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
              • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
              • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
              • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off

              Be a flâneur not a tourist.

              The assumption is you are walking. Difficult to be a flaneur in a car. No need to tick off the places you have researched. You are mindfully observing the mundane.
              Be mindful. “In the moment” means taking in and being part of the events in the street, where you can:
              • Note the Street names. They may be historical, may be in two languages, such as English/Welsh or Catalan/Castellano, and they may point you in the direction of historic churches. The street furniture and paving are also clues to the history.
              • Guess when properties were built. Look at balconies, outside decoration.

              Many older properties descended into potential ruin in the 1960s and now have been gentrified so only the rich can live there.
              You can also take local refreshment in local cafes. Avoid the familiar such as Costa, Starbucks, McDonalds. They are often a triumph of marketing over quality. See what the locals are offering.
              • Look at the nationalities of the food and compare with the nationalities of those who are serving and preparing. And see if there are locals in there.
              • Look at the decoration – may not have been refurbished in years. For me I prefer tea in ancient tea rooms and coffee in modern establishments. Do they use loose tea and don’t use coffee pods?
              • Take your time and talk to people – you never know where your next friend or offer of work is coming from. Look at their behaviours, language, voice tone and match it.

              Behavioural Preference Profile

              Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile.

              Cyprus

              Nicosia Border

                Avila

                What crate shall I chose?

                  Liverpool

                  In Penny Lane, there is a barber showing photographs….

                    Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depend on how many people you meet and chat with on route!

                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    Written by David Rigby

                    © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 


                    Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile. Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depends on how many people you meet and chat with on route!
                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    An  invitation to

                    change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

                    Alicante

                    Old Town

                      Vienna

                      Danube

                        Vienna

                        Covid Rabbit

                          While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
                          • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
                          • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
                          • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
                          • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off.

                          By

                          White Lies Matter

                          White Lies Matter

                          “You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment!”   was the signature phrase of the scheming politician Francis Urquhart, played by Ian Richardson in the 1990 television thriller House of Cards. It’s the great coaching get-out, but what if you did comment and were sparing with the truth?

                          “Does my bum look big in this?”  What can you say? If you don’t say ‘no’ you are in trouble. My father lost a life long friend by responding honestly to the question “What do you think of these paintings I have made?”.

                          White lies, being economical with the truth a.k.a. lies by omission : Do they have a place in the coaching world? Do they have a place in your everyday world?

                          it’s ‘the way you tell them’

                          Ultimately, it’s ‘the way you tell them’ which makes the difference between retaining and losing a client or a friend.  How honest an answer will you give, will depend on

                          • Who you are;
                          • Who they are;
                          • The nature of your relationship.

                          But white lies and omissions are only for the lazy.

                          Sugar coated diplomacy

                          For those who are familiar with Behavioural Preference Profiling, which is about communication, the blunt logic of the ‘Reds’ and ‘Blues’ can be an affront when talking to the more emotional ‘greens’ and ‘yellows’ who prefer the truth sugar coated with opinion and diplomacy.

                          Palau Altea by David Rigby

                          In the world of politics telling blatant lies seems to be the way forward, and of course the history of the winners, as taught in schools, and portrayed by the tabloids, seems not to matter either.

                          My father used to say ‘Give me the facts’ – and was not interested in opinions. Even if they confirmed his own. He read a left wing broadsheet so there was some hope, but never got the balance, and believed what he read was ‘the truth’ because it was ‘in print’.

                          In the office, it is well recognised that having the Psychological Safety to be able to speak up and speak out leads to better results but in most organisations cannot be done. To be well at work you need also to be able to both tell the truth and receive the truth. But you must remember

                          • Your truth, is probably your opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts;
                          • Their truth, is probably their opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts.

                          Learning to debate, without falling out, is a life skill, as is being able to recognise that others may be just as passionate as you about their incorrect views.  Learn to live with it. I recently asked a group to debate with me issues I was currently having about recent politics. It helped me enormously. Being able to discuss without fear of retribution is crucial to a healthy life. We can facilitate groups or just coach you honestly to help you resolve your issues.  Be brave. – white lies do matter.

                          Written by David Rigby, Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

                          By

                          I kept my promise, please keep your distance

                          I kept my promise, please keep your distance

                          “I kept my promise – don’t keep your distance” is the final plea from the song ‘Don’t cry for me Argentina’, originally a UK no 1 by Julie Covington from the play Evita  and later a hit from the film by Madonna.

                          How times change!  During lockdown and particularly as lockdown is loosening, the plea is ‘Keep your distance’. Known as ‘social distancing’ but it is really ‘physical distancing’ and nothing to do with ‘social’.

                          One of the more interesting features of the ‘two metres’, is just how different it is from social practice with different nationalities. 

                          The Spanish who live with many people in small flats and frequently gather in cafés to socialise and exchange two kisses with even virtual strangers, are having a great challenge. By contrast, the Swedes who typically live alone, are used to keeping distance even with people they know, ins and so they are less likely to find this a problem.


                          Extrovert or Introvert?

                          To make life more complicated, some people have been happy (working) at home during lockdown, others who have the constant need to communicate face to face with others all the time, are desperate to go out and are suffering from Zoom overkill, but they cannot give it up.  Of course, it depends whether you are at home alone, or with a group of other people.

                          Your propensity for remote working will depend upon your Behavioral Preference Profile.  Everyone has individual characteristics as to how they actually are, and for each person there are suggestions as to how you may get better at it. You can learn about

                          1. Remote working – How can we be more productive & manage frustrations?
                          2. Resilient strengths – How can we play to our real strengths?
                          3. Handling setbacks – How can we manage challenges?
                          4. Role agility – How do we react to change?
                          5. Enabling engagement – How can we stay motivated? 

                          We would love to help you explore this further so do get in touch.

                          I kept my distance –

                          you keep your promise.

                          “There is nothing more I can think of to say to you.

                          But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true”


                          distancing in Khor Fakkan, UAE

                          Written by David Rigby

                          Lyrics courtesy Webber/Rice and article inspired by discussion with journalist Lekko Saunders (instagram: artea2010)

                          By

                          I’ve never been to me

                          I’ve never been to me

                          Becoming confident enough to be yourself

                          taken in Kuala Lumpur by David Rigby

                          ‘I’ve never been to me’ is a song by Charlene which went to No 1 in the UK charts in 1982. For many it is the worst Motown Number One ever, but is pertinent to the situation (COVID-19) we find ourselves in now.

                          The cheesy lyrics include the lines ‘I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece… but I’ve never been to me’.  It is about having to always be someone else and never being allowed to even find out who you are, let alone actually be that person.

                          Forward to late 2019, and many in the music industry, as in many other industries, are forced to subsume themselves into industry norms and accordingly standardise their personalities.  Paradoxically the most successful have not done this. Good recent British examples have been Amy Winehouse and Adele who refused to follow the norms. An outstanding American example, even subject to a BBC Radio4 Profile, is the singer Lizzo – larger than life in every category, a phenomenal singer and performer who has no need of pitch correction in her performances.

                          Come 2020 and COVID-19, the requirement of the performers to be who they are and deliver has never been on show quite so much as the ‘One world’ show where performers such as Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Andrea Bocelli, and many others sang together, each performing from their own home. No lavish productions or autocorrect to prop them up. And, of course, it is significant who is not performing and the conclusions we can all come to about their skills.

                          How does this affect us?

                          Many of us are now in lock down and the only places you can go are shops to buy food or pharmacies to pick up meds – the rest of the time, you are at home, either by yourself or with some version of immediate family.

                          It is the perfect time to discover who you really are – a great opportunity for self-examination, and if you don’t like the ’me’ you actually are, you can set about changing it.

                          Many are using this period as a great opportunity to organise themselves, deal with all the filing and position themselves for the future. And then see others, via Zoom, who are in a bad way, and cannot cope with the uncertainty.

                          Sphere of influence

                          The ‘sphere of influence’ model is useful here. Issues divide into three :

                          • Inner circle: those issues you can deal with by yourself;
                          • Outer circle: those issues you can deal with by collaborating with others;
                          • Outside both circles: those issues which you absolutely have no influence over.

                          Many of the issues thrust upon us by COVID-19 are things we have no influence over, so the first step is STOP worrying about things you can do nothing about.

                          Divide the things you CAN do something about into three categories:

                          • Things which are essential to your well-being which you can do on your own. (If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t be able to look after others);
                          • Things which are essential to your well-being, which you need to ask or influence others to attain;
                          • Things which are essential to others’ well-being which you can deliver to them (whether or not they have asked).

                          These can include:

                          • Ensuring you eat enough healthy food to stay fit but not fat, with, if you want, exercise;
                          • Keeping your distance when out and wearing a face mask to assuage the concerns of others;
                          • Really learn to appreciate yourself and potentially change the characteristics you don’t like;
                          • Keep in remote contact with others and support them when they need in the best way you can;
                          • Decide what you will do when this is all over and prepare yourself for it.

                          And finally: examine the way you communicate with other people:

                          • Do you understand them well enough to understand how they prefer contact?
                          • Do they understand you well enough to understand how you prefer contact?.

                          Always assuming you understand yourself well enough to know your own preferences.

                          This downtime is the lifetime opportunity to discover who you really are and what you really need. The chance to ‘be to me’.

                          For further discussion and remote coaching, contact us here, or, for Europe [email protected] +44 3335660067 and for Middle East [email protected] +97156 652 5970. Take a C-me colour profile to better understand your communication preferences..

                          Written by David Rigby and Martin Kubler

                          © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 

                          By

                          Your Christmas Village – making those Christmas Connections

                          Your Christmas Village – making those Christmas Connections

                          Your Village in Winter - Christmas Connections

                          During the summer we blogged about how building your own village can extend your life.  We ran several events as well and had some wonderful conversations about how to do this and how to make good connections.  A reminder of Halina’s thoughts on the subject here.

                          Never is this idea of building a great village more important than in the Christmas and Holiday season.  There is still time to introduce yourself to the neighbours, the people who you buy from (your suppliers or the smiling coffee shop assistant), the person queuing with you at the bus stop –  and ask them how are they spending the holiday season. It may be that you find they are spending the time alone, their children and/or parents in other towns or other countries, perhaps their friends are also away, perhaps they simply have no-one.

                          Such people might welcome some contact over the holidays, a phone call, a visit, a small gesture that they are not on their own, that someone is thinking of them. And of course, so might you.

                          Research by BBC on loneliness shows that the most lonely people are youngsters (who may have internet friends but no actual close friends) closely followed by the elders, who may be out of the habit of making new connections or have challenges with mobility. Building a little Christmas village to include people who are likely to be alone need not be a big task – whether it is a simple smile, a small gift offered, an invitation to join you in your home, it will make a difference.

                          Last year’s Age UK campaign put it very neatly ‘ No-one should have no-one‘

                          So this season, before the holidays

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Identify people who might benefit from some contact over the holidays

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Make an effort to get their details

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Think of ways of contacting or visiting them, or what your gestures to include them in your Christmas village will be.

                          If it’s you who are on your own – and you don’t want to be, plan ahead….

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Decide when you don’t want to be on your own

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Talk to those around you and in your community who you might want to spend time with over the holidays

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Think about inviting them to join you for a coffee at a cafe or at your home if that works for you

                          [i type=”icon-ok” color=”icon-blue” bg=””]Find someone to connect with by phone or Skype or email

                          If you do all this in advance, then you can capitalise on the effort you have put in to build your village and ‘ have yourself a merry little Christmas’ – sharing, giving and caring with others and living more abundantly. 

                          Sharing and caring with others at Christmas

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