Training & Coaching News from Smart Coaching Training

03/10/2020 By Eric Moore

The Age of Anxiety

“West Side Story” composer Leonard Bernstein’s Symphony No. 2 The Age of Anxiety was composed from 1948 to 1949 in the US and Israel. It is titled after W. H. Auden’s poem of the same name. Was 1949 the Age of Anxiety or is it now? Most of us have some form of anxiety in our lives and with the continued events of 2020 it is becoming more prevalent.

Our trainer Eric Moore. Ask about individual and group wellness at work coaching

Coping Mechanisms

To combat anxiety people will employ different coping mechanisms to help deal with their anxiety. These may include, exercise, going for a walk, listening to music, or some other form of distraction, though when it strikes these often fail, because the problem is neurological, so therefore to successfully cure anxiety the changes need to take place at the neurological level. Another mechanism many use is to try and avoid the situations that cause them to feel anxious or panic. This though prevents, change and growth. Another thing I often come across is hearing clients say “It happens to me – I don’t make it happen”. This mindset can unfortunately prevent the person from taking ownership of the problem.

Causes of Anxiety

Anxiety is caused by an over arousal of the autonomic nervous system, so someone will often get anxious before they even know it, and by the time this happens it’s too late. So they say “it’s not my fault since it happens automatically”. However they created it due to reacting to an external stimulus such as crowded spaces, social gatherings, giving a presentation. This can then generalise, so even the thought of it becomes enough to create the anxious state.

Fight or Flight

This triggers the fight or flight response in part of the brain called the amygdala and can cause a myriad of issues both psychologically and physiologically. Dry mouth, sweaty palms, palpitations, racing heartbeat and thoughts, tightness or pain in the chest to name a few.

Internal Dialogue

Taking responsibility and owning it is one of the steps to overcoming this debilitating issue towards recovery. Anxiety and panic is often a function of the internal dialogue and the images one creates in the mind. Intervening by changing the images and speed of what is said internally are key to becoming anxiety free. Now, depending on the type of anxiety there will be more activity in one hemisphere of the brain and another tool for change is to engage both hemispheres whilst thinking of the anxious state. If you are curious about to take back control and become anxiety free then join our workshop here on send us a message here.

Written by Eric Moore , Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

26/08/2020 By David Rigby

The Mindful Flâneur

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

In Old Town

London

St Pancras Station

Vienna

Where Beethoven lived

This year, because of COVID, many of you will be forced to take your holidays closer to home. Here is an opportunity to know your home country. Instead of sitting on a beach, queueing for museums and socially distancing in the same shop in a different location why not be a traveller and really get to know somewhere. And excellent way to absorb a city is to be a Mindful Flâneur.

The term flâneur comes from the French masculine noun flâneur—which has the basic meanings of “stroller”, “lounger”, “saunterer”, “loafer”—which itself comes from the French verb flâner, which means “to stroll”. To me a Flâneur is a person who wanders without a destiny within, especially, a city to observe the buildings, people and the general environment.

Mindfulness or being mindful is being ‘in the moment’, totally focussed, observing everything and not being judgemental. So a mindful flâneur really can get the most of ‘just wandering about’ provided they are organised ‘just enough’.

An invitation to

change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

Alicante

Old Town

Manchester

University In the winter

Vienna

Covid Rabbit

While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
• Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
• Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
• As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
• Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off

Be a flâneur not a tourist.

The assumption is you are walking. Difficult to be a flaneur in a car. No need to tick off the places you have researched. You are mindfully observing the mundane.
Be mindful. “In the moment” means taking in and being part of the events in the street, where you can:
• Note the Street names. They may be historical, may be in two languages, such as English/Welsh or Catalan/Castellano, and they may point you in the direction of historic churches. The street furniture and paving are also clues to the history.
• Guess when properties were built. Look at balconies, outside decoration.

Many older properties descended into potential ruin in the 1960s and now have been gentrified so only the rich can live there.
You can also take local refreshment in local cafes. Avoid the familiar such as Costa, Starbucks, McDonalds. They are often a triumph of marketing over quality. See what the locals are offering.
• Look at the nationalities of the food and compare with the nationalities of those who are serving and preparing. And see if there are locals in there.
• Look at the decoration – may not have been refurbished in years. For me I prefer tea in ancient tea rooms and coffee in modern establishments. Do they use loose tea and don’t use coffee pods?
• Take your time and talk to people – you never know where your next friend or offer of work is coming from. Look at their behaviours, language, voice tone and match it.

Behavioural Preference Profile

Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile.

Cyprus

Nicosia Border

Avila

What crate shall I chose?

Liverpool

In Penny Lane, there is a barber showing photographs….

Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
• Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
• Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
• Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
• Yellow: The distance covered will depend on how many people you meet and chat with on route!

Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

Written by David Rigby

Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile. Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
• Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
• Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
• Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
• Yellow: The distance covered will depends on how many people you meet and chat with on route!
Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

An invitation to

change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

Alicante

Old Town

Vienna

Danube

Vienna

Covid Rabbit

22/07/2020 By David Rigby

White Lies Matter

“You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment!” was the signature phrase of the scheming politician Francis Urquhart, played by Ian Richardson in the 1990 television thriller House of Cards. It’s the great coaching get-out, but what if you did comment and were sparing with the truth?

“Does my bum look big in this?” What can you say? If you don’t say ‘no’ you are in trouble. My father lost a life long friend by responding honestly to the question “What do you think of these paintings I have made?”.

White lies, being economical with the truth a.k.a. lies by omission : Do they have a place in the coaching world? Do they have a place in your everyday world?

it’s ‘the way you tell them’

Ultimately, it’s ‘the way you tell them’ which makes the difference between retaining and losing a client or a friend. How honest an answer will you give, will depend on

Who you are;
Who they are;
The nature of your relationship.

But white lies and omissions are only for the lazy.

Sugar coated diplomacy

For those who are familiar with Behavioural Preference Profiling, which is about communication, the blunt logic of the ‘Reds’ and ‘Blues’ can be an affront when talking to the more emotional ‘greens’ and ‘yellows’ who prefer the truth sugar coated with opinion and diplomacy.

In the world of politics telling blatant lies seems to be the way forward, and of course the history of the winners, as taught in schools, and portrayed by the tabloids, seems not to matter either.

My father used to say ‘Give me the facts’ – and was not interested in opinions. Even if they confirmed his own. He read a left wing broadsheet so there was some hope, but never got the balance, and believed what he read was ‘the truth’ because it was ‘in print’.

In the office, it is well recognised that having the Psychological Safety to be able to speak up and speak out leads to better results but in most organisations cannot be done. To be well at work you need also to be able to both tell the truth and receive the truth. But you must remember

Your truth, is probably your opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts;
Their truth, is probably their opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts.

Learning to debate, without falling out, is a life skill, as is being able to recognise that others may be just as passionate as you about their incorrect views. Learn to live with it. I recently asked a group to debate with me issues I was currently having about recent politics. It helped me enormously. Being able to discuss without fear of retribution is crucial to a healthy life. We can facilitate groups or just coach you honestly to help you resolve your issues. Be brave. – white lies do matter.

Written by David Rigby, Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

21/06/2020 By David Rigby

Dealing with ambiguity

I don’t like the method but I like the result

One of the challenges of coaching is learning to work with people who have different beliefs than you do. You are not there to proselytise. You are not a missionary and must allow others to take different positions. As a coach you are there to help the client come to his own conclusions and certainly not to say ‘If I were you …..” and impose your own view built on your own opinion.

The right not to have an opinion

One of the great advantages of being a coach is the right not to have an opinion. You will know of football fans who have strong opinions about their teams when they actually know nothing.

Being an ‘expert’ without knowledge is prevalent with many social media users. But in reality the only right to have an opinion is to get the knowledge to form that opinion without resorting to only the media which confirm your beliefs. If you don’t have that knowledge be brave enough to say “I don’t have an opinion” And reserve the right not to spend your time forming your view.

Individual vs Group

In Western society, based on individualism, it can be difficult to recognise that your client believes that the group (whether it be race,religion, political party, country,) is more important than the individual and that conformity is more important than your individual need. In Edith Wharton’s novels about late 19th century America, keeping up appearances was all that mattered and if you did not follow the conventions retribution and exclusion were swift.

Is it the same today? In many societies yes, but the conventions change, and it is no benefit publicly regretting that hitting children is no longer acceptable. There was a time in the UK when politicians kept their affairs in secret, like John Major’s affair with a member of his cabinet , and scandals such as Jeremy Thorpe and Profumo could topple the mighty. Nowadays a Prime Minister can live with his lover and have children in the Prime Ministerial house in Downing Street. Society has changed, and so it should no longer be acceptable to promote hitting children on the grounds that it ‘never did me any harm’, though to many still living with values from a previous era, it still is.

Challenges to long-held beliefs

So much in the news in recent weeks has been a challenge to beliefs some have held dearly for so long. So the questions to ask yourself are:
• Were you own cherished beliefs challenged ?
• When was the last time you reviewed your beliefs and values?
• Have you still got the beliefs and values you were brought up with? The same ones as your mother or priest taught you? And if so, do you know why? (I never thought about it is not a good answer)
• Do you have the same view of history as taught to you in the schools – the winner’s version of history?
• Are you prepared to accept that you were brainwashed in school and look at different perspectives?

As a coach you need to know what your beliefs are in order to recognise whether your client has beliefs you cannot deal with. And to know when to quit.

I don’t like the method but I like the result

Times and collective opinion change. In Bristol in the UK, the symbolic casting of the statue of slave trader Colston in the harbour brought more results than forty years of just talking about it. In US and the world the Black Lives Matter protests have more effect than forty years of putting up with it. And so you have the ambiguity – you might like the result but not the method.
Public opinion has shifted, and UK has yet anther topic to be radically divided on. And as an individual (rather than a coach) you are going to have to have an opinion and perhaps stand up for it. So better build that opinion on knowledge, and learn to defend your stance and realise that it’s OK to have your views which are different from others and indeed to have your own internal conflicting views.

Dealing with ambiguity is a sign of maturity many people just do not get to. Can you?

by David Rigby, Smart Coaching & Training 2020

15/05/2020 By David Rigby

I kept my promise, please keep your distance

“I kept my promise – don’t keep your distance” is the final plea from the song ‘Don’t cry for me Argentina’, originally a UK no 1 by Julie Covington from the play Evita and later a hit from the film by Madonna.

How times change! During lockdown and particularly as lockdown is loosening, the plea is ‘Keep your distance’. Known as ‘social distancing’ but it is really ‘physical distancing’ and nothing to do with ‘social’.

One of the more interesting features of the ‘two metres’, is just how different it is from social practice with different nationalities.

The Spanish who live with many people in small flats and frequently gather in cafés to socialise and exchange two kisses with even virtual strangers, are having a great challenge. By contrast, the Swedes who typically live alone, are used to keeping distance even with people they know, ins and so they are less likely to find this a problem.

Extrovert or Introvert?

To make life more complicated, some people have been happy (working) at home during lockdown, others who have the constant need to communicate face to face with others all the time, are desperate to go out and are suffering from Zoom overkill, but they cannot give it up. Of course, it depends whether you are at home alone, or with a group of other people.

Your propensity for remote working will depend upon your Behavioral Preference Profile. Everyone has individual characteristics as to how they actually are, and for each person there are suggestions as to how you may get better at it. You can learn about

Remote working – How can we be more productive & manage frustrations?
Resilient strengths – How can we play to our real strengths?
Handling setbacks – How can we manage challenges?
Role agility – How do we react to change?
Enabling engagement – How can we stay motivated?

We would love to help you explore this further so do get in touch.

I kept my distance –

you keep your promise.

“There is nothing more I can think of to say to you.

But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true”

Written by David Rigby

Lyrics courtesy Webber/Rice and article inspired by discussion with journalist Lekko Saunders (instagram: artea2010)

Coping Mechanisms

Causes of Anxiety

Fight or Flight

Internal Dialogue

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

London

Vienna

An invitation to

Alicante

Manchester

Vienna

Be a flâneur not a tourist.

Behavioural Preference Profile

Cyprus

Avila

Liverpool

An invitation to

Alicante

Vienna

Vienna

it’s ‘the way you tell them’

Sugar coated diplomacy

I don’t like the method but I like the result

The right not to have an opinion

Individual vs Group

Challenges to long-held beliefs

I don’t like the method but I like the result

Dealing with ambiguity is a sign of maturity many people just do not get to. Can you?

Extrovert or Introvert?

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