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Staying authentic while code switching

Staying authentic while code switching

Code-switching is when someone changes their language based on who they are with, typically to fit in better with that group. There are many reasons why people code-switch. People switch their pronunciations of words and their dialects around to better fit in with a certain group.

They also change their behaviour.

In linguistics, code-switching or language alternation occurs when a speaker alternates between two or more languages, or language varieties, in the context of a single conversation. But its much more than that.

Multilinguals, speakers of more than one language, sometimes use elements of multiple languages when conversing with each other.

Ghiyathi, UAE – code switching or diplomacy? by David Rigby

In dress and food – choosing to dress in the mode of the people you are with, learning to eat the same food in the same way the others do is another type of code switching .

Why do people do this ?

Often to do with work. In the UK people switch to the codes of the straight white southern public-school-educated male in order to get the best jobs.. And all places have their equivalents.

But what do they switch from?

  • Being Northern – whilst having a Northern Accent is not the slur it was, it can still be prejudicial in building the connections.  Dropping the northern sense of humour in order to be understood, removing terms of endearment and being over-friendly.
  • Being Female – it is possible to get on as female, but many have to adopt ‘boy’s behaviours’ to climb the ladder.
  • Being of Foreign Origin while raised in Britain. – In many ways having to have two different cultures – the ones you use at home and the ones you use at work.  Those that don’t follow the subtleties and indirectness of the polite British society can ‘scare the natives’ with their directness or loudness.
  • Being Foreign – being aware that the accepted behaviours at home may not be acceptable in your new location. Observing and copying the new ‘norms’.
  • Being LGBTQ – being ‘straight acting’ or so you think.

There are dangers

So, at least historically, wearing the traditional uniform of white man’s business – Grey or Blue suit, white shirt and tie, no beard is a way of ‘belonging’. But it can be cultural appropriation – white people wearing dreadlocks or Arabic dress is asking for trouble.
The more you code switch the more you become the person you are switching into. And then you go ‘back home’ and everyone thinks you are now too posh to talk to. So you switch back. Which is the real you? It is so stressful and exhausting.

Being Intercultural while Leadership Training in Ghana by David Rigby

Intercultural Globality is a method by which you can learn to be all things to all people. And still be true to yourself. Understanding your communication preferences is a good start. Just ask .

Written by David Rigby, © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd

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The Age of Anxiety

The Age of Anxiety

“West Side Story” composer Leonard Bernstein’s Symphony No. 2 The Age of Anxiety was composed from 1948 to 1949 in the US and Israel. It is titled after W. H. Auden’s poem of the same name. Was 1949 the Age of Anxiety or is it now? Most of us have some form of anxiety in our lives and with the continued events of 2020 it is becoming more prevalent.

Our trainer Eric Moore. Ask about individual and group wellness at work coaching

Coping Mechanisms

To combat anxiety people will employ different coping mechanisms to help deal with their anxiety. These may include, exercise, going for a walk, listening to music, or some other form of distraction, though when it strikes these often fail, because the problem is neurological, so therefore to successfully cure anxiety the changes need to take place at the neurological level. Another mechanism many use is to try and avoid the situations that cause them to feel anxious or panic. This though prevents, change and growth. Another thing I often come across is hearing clients say “It happens to me – I don’t make it happen”. This mindset can unfortunately prevent the person from taking ownership of the problem.

Causes of Anxiety

Anxiety is caused by an over arousal of the autonomic nervous system, so someone will often get anxious before they even know it, and by the time this happens it’s too late. So they say “it’s not my fault since it happens automatically”. However they created it due to reacting to an external stimulus such as crowded spaces, social gatherings, giving a presentation. This can then generalise, so even the thought of it becomes enough to create the anxious state.

Holbourne Museum Bath UK by David Rigby

Fight or Flight

This triggers the fight or flight response in part of the brain called the amygdala and can cause a myriad of issues both psychologically and physiologically. Dry mouth, sweaty palms, palpitations, racing heartbeat and thoughts, tightness or pain in the chest to name a few.

Internal Dialogue

Taking responsibility and owning it is one of the steps to overcoming this debilitating issue towards recovery. Anxiety and panic is often a function of the internal dialogue and the images one creates in the mind. Intervening by changing the images and speed of what is said internally are key to becoming anxiety free. Now, depending on the type of anxiety there will be more activity in one hemisphere of the brain and another tool for change is to engage both hemispheres whilst thinking of the anxious state. If you are curious about to take back control and become anxiety free then join our workshop here on send us a message here.

Written by Eric Moore , Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

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The Mindful Flâneur

The Mindful Flâneur

how to get the most of travelling

Valencia

In Old Town

    London

    St Pancras Station

      Vienna

      Where Beethoven lived

        This year, because of COVID, many of you will be forced to take your holidays closer to home. Here is an opportunity to know your home country. Instead of sitting on a beach, queueing for museums and socially distancing in the same shop in a different location why not be a traveller and really get to know somewhere. And excellent way to absorb a city is to be a Mindful Flâneur.

        The term flâneur comes from the French masculine noun flâneur—which has the basic meanings of “stroller”, “lounger”, “saunterer”, “loafer”—which itself comes from the French verb flâner, which means “to stroll”. To me a Flâneur is a person who wanders without a destiny within, especially, a city to observe the buildings, people and the general environment.

        Mindfulness or being mindful is being ‘in the moment’, totally focussed, observing everything and not being judgemental.  So a mindful flâneur really can get the most of ‘just wandering about’ provided they are organised ‘just enough’.

        An  invitation to

        change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

        Alicante

        Old Town

          Manchester

          University In the winter

            Vienna

            Covid Rabbit

              While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
              • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
              • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
              • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
              • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off

              Be a flâneur not a tourist.

              The assumption is you are walking. Difficult to be a flaneur in a car. No need to tick off the places you have researched. You are mindfully observing the mundane.
              Be mindful. “In the moment” means taking in and being part of the events in the street, where you can:
              • Note the Street names. They may be historical, may be in two languages, such as English/Welsh or Catalan/Castellano, and they may point you in the direction of historic churches. The street furniture and paving are also clues to the history.
              • Guess when properties were built. Look at balconies, outside decoration.

              Many older properties descended into potential ruin in the 1960s and now have been gentrified so only the rich can live there.
              You can also take local refreshment in local cafes. Avoid the familiar such as Costa, Starbucks, McDonalds. They are often a triumph of marketing over quality. See what the locals are offering.
              • Look at the nationalities of the food and compare with the nationalities of those who are serving and preparing. And see if there are locals in there.
              • Look at the decoration – may not have been refurbished in years. For me I prefer tea in ancient tea rooms and coffee in modern establishments. Do they use loose tea and don’t use coffee pods?
              • Take your time and talk to people – you never know where your next friend or offer of work is coming from. Look at their behaviours, language, voice tone and match it.

              Behavioural Preference Profile

              Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile.

              Cyprus

              Nicosia Border

                Avila

                What crate shall I chose?

                  Liverpool

                  In Penny Lane, there is a barber showing photographs….

                    Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depend on how many people you meet and chat with on route!

                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    Written by David Rigby

                    © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 


                    Ultimately how you do this will depend on your characteristics based on your behavioural preference profile. Most people have behavioural characteristics based on all the colours, usually one prevails.
                    Your behaviour based on your main colour is likely to be
                    • Red: Cover a great distance and not look at anything in detail. Be more interested in the buildings than the people.
                    • Blue: Possibly develop a detailed itinerary and follow it exactly – not being a flâneur at all.
                    • Green: Cover a small distance looking at the people and their lifestyles and wondering how they feel.
                    • Yellow: The distance covered will depends on how many people you meet and chat with on route!
                    Remember that you are not on a marathon or an endurance test, so stop when you have enough and keep an eye about where you are relatively to the bus and metro stops to help you return. Enjoy!

                    An  invitation to

                    change a habit /way of being in order to appreciate the world

                    Alicante

                    Old Town

                      Vienna

                      Danube

                        Vienna

                        Covid Rabbit

                          While ‘flâneuring’ is ‘just wandering about’ planning can make the experience more joyful and profitable use of time. Try these:
                          • Research to know which areas might have hidden secrets and watering holes. These are often older areas. Don’t make restaurant reservations – you don’t want a time critical destiny.
                          • Travelling with minimum baggage – preferably none.
                          • As you are venturing into the unknown, potentially you could arrive in risky areas. So leave your wallet behind. Take some money, one credit card, and maybe evidence of who you are in case you need emergency medical assistance, and tell someone where you are going.
                          • Dress appropriately. Don’t attract muggers and robbers. No Jewellery no expensive watches. Dress downmarket – but you may meet interesting people so don’t look like a vagrant either. Take with you a sun hat and an umbrella. And layers of clothes you can put on or take off.

                          By

                          White Lies Matter

                          White Lies Matter

                          “You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment!”   was the signature phrase of the scheming politician Francis Urquhart, played by Ian Richardson in the 1990 television thriller House of Cards. It’s the great coaching get-out, but what if you did comment and were sparing with the truth?

                          “Does my bum look big in this?”  What can you say? If you don’t say ‘no’ you are in trouble. My father lost a life long friend by responding honestly to the question “What do you think of these paintings I have made?”.

                          White lies, being economical with the truth a.k.a. lies by omission : Do they have a place in the coaching world? Do they have a place in your everyday world?

                          it’s ‘the way you tell them’

                          Ultimately, it’s ‘the way you tell them’ which makes the difference between retaining and losing a client or a friend.  How honest an answer will you give, will depend on

                          • Who you are;
                          • Who they are;
                          • The nature of your relationship.

                          But white lies and omissions are only for the lazy.

                          Sugar coated diplomacy

                          For those who are familiar with Behavioural Preference Profiling, which is about communication, the blunt logic of the ‘Reds’ and ‘Blues’ can be an affront when talking to the more emotional ‘greens’ and ‘yellows’ who prefer the truth sugar coated with opinion and diplomacy.

                          Palau Altea by David Rigby

                          In the world of politics telling blatant lies seems to be the way forward, and of course the history of the winners, as taught in schools, and portrayed by the tabloids, seems not to matter either.

                          My father used to say ‘Give me the facts’ – and was not interested in opinions. Even if they confirmed his own. He read a left wing broadsheet so there was some hope, but never got the balance, and believed what he read was ‘the truth’ because it was ‘in print’.

                          In the office, it is well recognised that having the Psychological Safety to be able to speak up and speak out leads to better results but in most organisations cannot be done. To be well at work you need also to be able to both tell the truth and receive the truth. But you must remember

                          • Your truth, is probably your opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts;
                          • Their truth, is probably their opinion often based on little or biased knowledge of the facts.

                          Learning to debate, without falling out, is a life skill, as is being able to recognise that others may be just as passionate as you about their incorrect views.  Learn to live with it. I recently asked a group to debate with me issues I was currently having about recent politics. It helped me enormously. Being able to discuss without fear of retribution is crucial to a healthy life. We can facilitate groups or just coach you honestly to help you resolve your issues.  Be brave. – white lies do matter.

                          Written by David Rigby, Smart Coaching & Training Ltd.

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                          I’ve never been to me

                          I’ve never been to me

                          Becoming confident enough to be yourself

                          taken in Kuala Lumpur by David Rigby

                          ‘I’ve never been to me’ is a song by Charlene which went to No 1 in the UK charts in 1982. For many it is the worst Motown Number One ever, but is pertinent to the situation (COVID-19) we find ourselves in now.

                          The cheesy lyrics include the lines ‘I’ve been to Nice and the Isle of Greece… but I’ve never been to me’.  It is about having to always be someone else and never being allowed to even find out who you are, let alone actually be that person.

                          Forward to late 2019, and many in the music industry, as in many other industries, are forced to subsume themselves into industry norms and accordingly standardise their personalities.  Paradoxically the most successful have not done this. Good recent British examples have been Amy Winehouse and Adele who refused to follow the norms. An outstanding American example, even subject to a BBC Radio4 Profile, is the singer Lizzo – larger than life in every category, a phenomenal singer and performer who has no need of pitch correction in her performances.

                          Come 2020 and COVID-19, the requirement of the performers to be who they are and deliver has never been on show quite so much as the ‘One world’ show where performers such as Lady Gaga, Sam Smith and Andrea Bocelli, and many others sang together, each performing from their own home. No lavish productions or autocorrect to prop them up. And, of course, it is significant who is not performing and the conclusions we can all come to about their skills.

                          How does this affect us?

                          Many of us are now in lock down and the only places you can go are shops to buy food or pharmacies to pick up meds – the rest of the time, you are at home, either by yourself or with some version of immediate family.

                          It is the perfect time to discover who you really are – a great opportunity for self-examination, and if you don’t like the ’me’ you actually are, you can set about changing it.

                          Many are using this period as a great opportunity to organise themselves, deal with all the filing and position themselves for the future. And then see others, via Zoom, who are in a bad way, and cannot cope with the uncertainty.

                          Sphere of influence

                          The ‘sphere of influence’ model is useful here. Issues divide into three :

                          • Inner circle: those issues you can deal with by yourself;
                          • Outer circle: those issues you can deal with by collaborating with others;
                          • Outside both circles: those issues which you absolutely have no influence over.

                          Many of the issues thrust upon us by COVID-19 are things we have no influence over, so the first step is STOP worrying about things you can do nothing about.

                          Divide the things you CAN do something about into three categories:

                          • Things which are essential to your well-being which you can do on your own. (If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t be able to look after others);
                          • Things which are essential to your well-being, which you need to ask or influence others to attain;
                          • Things which are essential to others’ well-being which you can deliver to them (whether or not they have asked).

                          These can include:

                          • Ensuring you eat enough healthy food to stay fit but not fat, with, if you want, exercise;
                          • Keeping your distance when out and wearing a face mask to assuage the concerns of others;
                          • Really learn to appreciate yourself and potentially change the characteristics you don’t like;
                          • Keep in remote contact with others and support them when they need in the best way you can;
                          • Decide what you will do when this is all over and prepare yourself for it.

                          And finally: examine the way you communicate with other people:

                          • Do you understand them well enough to understand how they prefer contact?
                          • Do they understand you well enough to understand how you prefer contact?.

                          Always assuming you understand yourself well enough to know your own preferences.

                          This downtime is the lifetime opportunity to discover who you really are and what you really need. The chance to ‘be to me’.

                          For further discussion and remote coaching, contact us here, or, for Europe [email protected] +44 3335660067 and for Middle East [email protected] +97156 652 5970. Take a C-me colour profile to better understand your communication preferences..

                          Written by David Rigby and Martin Kubler

                          © 2020 Smart Coaching & Training Ltd 

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